I just sent out this announcement to students: “ My apologies for the delay in updating the gradebook; I’m out sick right now. I’ll assess things asap. Thank you for your patience.” For some reason, just this brief note lessens my stress over not “keeping up” with things, and I hope it’s a gentle reminder to students that I will extend grace to them, too.

Anytime I feel “off,” I really have no idea what to blame it on. My age? Did I forget to drink lots of water? Did I take all my supplements? Did I simply sleep weird? Is it my body and its general mental and physical complexities: anxiety, past depression, headaches, dairy issues, vertigo…? Is it the white matter disease in my brain? Is it just a phase? Is it long covid?  And when I deal with these off feelings, I have to ask myself: if I’m dealing with things like this, others are too, so truly, that’s why you should extend kindness to colleagues and students. Message given to me on my birthday recently:

With all the reflecting I do, and with how much I emphasize it in my own classes, you might think I would always refer to it as a good thing - a good process to take one's self through from time to time. But I'm second-guessing that today. You see, I have a birthday tomorrow. I found a pic from 2014 (at left below) from today. I was hours from turning 37. On the right, I snapped a selfie before heading to campus this morning, hours from turning 47. I like taking time to reflect on what has happened in years' passed. I like reflecting on almost everything in my life: what I thought when, what I used to do in my classes, what things bothered me and what things I was extremely passionate about. But today, there was a pause and a question: What if reflecting TOO much is causing me harm? So, tomorrow marks the first birthday in decades I will not have a pet. This may not seem like a big deal to most people, but I said goodbye to Sushi (my 20yo kitty) last February, and I don...

My former teacher Mr. Wall said it best when he told me in an interview that he turned down a different non-teaching job because "I just want to wake up and deal with students. Doctors have to deal with the sick, and lawyers with jerks; I get to be with students." I still have anxiety each and every new FIRST DAY of a semester, but the students are always so wonderful. I've only just started to meet each class this week, but my first one was in a semi-fancy computer lab, plopped in the basement of a "green" building the campus built not too many years ago. The class is at full capacity, and while not everyone spoke up today, I have a few who felt comfortable enough to speak up when I asked the "question of the day."  I also have a few students in there who have had me before, and they seemed to be happy to have me again. One might've said I was "the best" teacher, and to her, I might be, and it's not that I need that reassurance; it...