Absence Makes the Content Longer?

Well, hello there, little bloggie. I haven't been on here for months, but I think I have rather good reasons... the most unfortunate reason is my health. 

Towards the middle of May, the day after our last contract day, I had a biopsy done on my face (a weird bump near my left nostril that had not healed over since fall!), and the dermatologist was pretty sure it was basal cell carcinoma. Skin cancer, although not the total evil kind.

Within weeks, I was "signed up" for 21 radiation treatments in Fargo, and that sucked up my summer. The radiation itself was 30 seconds worth of nothing, even if halfway through (treatment 10-ish) my skin did freak out a bit, which threw me into a spin of anxiety. {The same thing happened with my breast reduction; at some point, your brain wonders why you are doing what you are doing, and you question all of your decisions.}

I was able to get away to two cabins to attempt to recalibrate my soul and body, and those little trips did help, even if one of them saw a storm pound my Bronco and leave her with hail damage.

Needless to say, sleeping and eating and traveling in my awesome vehicle suddenly became things I wasn't excited about. I used my anxiety meds as I never had before, even during last school year when I was a newbie program coordinator (plus Faculty Senate Prez, plus chairing a regional conference). It was a crappy time, and then... and then Grandma passed away in July. She had almost made it a year without Grandpa. So, the summer of 2023 was filled with grief of losing Gpa and my 20-year-old cat Sushi... and this last summer was all about my stupid skin and losing Grandma.

To say I need relief and a reset this fall is an understatement, but I'm well on my way - I THINK - to finding peace. My skin is healing, I think my last ultrasound on that spot in mid-Oct will show that nothing is left, and yet other parts of my body that I was basically ignoring are revolting (for lack of a better word). I do plan to see a doctor today about my anxiety meds and digestive system; tomorrow morning is an appointment in Fargo with an OBGYN who will hopefully have oodles of solutions to my other ailments.

Through all of this, my students and many coworkers and friends and family have extended kindness and grace whenever I have simply not felt like myself, or needed a day to curl up in bed and watch reruns of Parks & Rec.

Lessons Learned:

• Working on a campus with nursing instructors is helpful beyond measure.
• Having family members who are or were in the medical community are godsends.
• There is no right or wrong way to grieve the loss of loved ones, or your own illnesses.
• Anxiety is a liar.
• If your body starts to equate anything to negativity - travel, for instance - it will take a while for your body to reset back to when you liked driving in your car to hit up the big city for a shopping trip.
• Go see a therapist!
• Take your meds!